Real and Juicy

Along to the lines of my previous post about being real and authentic and having honest relationships, you have to tackle the issue of gossip.

Recently this has come to me personally. I want to have real relationships. It's not worth the time or effort for this mama to invest in fluff. I don't have it in me!

But, as we open up and share what's really frustrating us, what we're struggling with, the questions that cause us to pause and reexamine every aspect of our life, we will often come to a point that it involves someone other than us.

So, when do you cross that line from "sharing" and being honest to being a gossip.

I believe firmly that gossip is a problem more than we admit. I think I cross the line too often. I hear gossip too often. And, I don't say the hard words "Stop! This isn't something I need to know or should be told." I mean, for real...my flesh wants to hear it! I want to know what happened with that person. I enjoy reading People magazine!

So, let me throw out a fake scenario. Then, you MUST comment so we can dialogue a little here. I don't have much content on this. I can throw you a Scripture, but let's talk dissection here. Break it down with me.

Scenario #1:
I'm friends with Roxy. Roxy and I get along well and spend time together frequently. We both have kids and they play well together, for the most part. One day I'm over at Susie's house. Susie begins to tell me that she's having trouble when she invites Roxy and her kids over for playdates because Roxy's kids aren't treating her kids well. {STOP. Should this conversation continue? Is it gossip?}

Scenario #2:
We're sitting out on my patio...several friends. One friend asks "What is Melinda doing with her hair these days?" (apparently it hasn't been looking like it normally does) {STOP. Should this conversation continue? Is is gossip to comment on her hair?}

Scenario #3:
Jane has told me about her oldest daughter from a previous marriage. She hasn't said much, but I know an older daughter exists. I'm not very close to Jane. Another friend, Mary, is close to Jane. I see on Facebook (because I'm "friends" with Jane) that something has happened with her daughter. I don't really feel comfortable asking Jane "hey, what's up with your daughter". After all, I don't really talk to Jane that often. So, I ask Mary, "What's going on with Jane's daughter? I saw on Facebook that something was up." {STOP. Should this conversation continue? Is it gossip? Jane has obviously shared something on a public forum.}

I'm being completely honest here when I say I want feedback. I have no answers ...well, I can give an answer but it will probably end with me saying "but...". I think there are some muddy waters. But, maybe it's because I'm immature. So, let's hear it!

How Are You? Good.

Really?

How are you?

I'm good.

No, really. Are you good?

Rarely does the exchange go that far. Sometimes, on a rare occasion it does. That's when you really get into it.

I have a friend who has many "friends". Rather, she is a friend to many. At times she has been a friend to so many that she just can't handle the weight of everyone else's problems and it almost swallows her up.

The problem is, you can't carry that kind of weight. We aren't supposed to.

We are told to carry one another's burdens. But, I don't think Jesus meant that we are to carry all the burdens of everyone around us.

I used to try. I used to be the dumping ground. I would hear everyone else's problems and encourage them or try to help find a solution.

Problem was...no one was really doing that for me. Then, I began to realize something. I wasn't being honest. I wasn't trusting them.

I still struggle with that. I struggle with being completely vulnerable and answering the question "How are you doing?" with openness.

I usually wait to see if they ask it again. Maybe it's my litmus test. I guess I've been let down too many times when I shared too much too soon or too often.

But, you'll never have an authentic relationship if you can't answer the question "how are you?" with complete honesty the first time.

After the Big Event

My friend Lara recently adopted from Uganda. Precious, sweet boy! I'm so excited for her whole family. What a joy. What amazing love...love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called His sons and daughters and then extend that love to call precious babes our children!

She linked to a blog article from her Facebook page, commenting that this was her answer to the many people who asked how things were going since bringing Ambrose home. The article she linked to was written by Jen, mama to five --two of them adopted from Africa. The article "After the Airport" was really, really good. In fact, you should go read it now. Then, come back and finish this.

I'll wait. Go ahead.

I'm only going to say a few things about it now. I know her article was long and I don't want you to get overdone on reading today.

My initial thoughts:

• LOVE her public schooling/homeschooling comments, though they weren't her point
  
• how did she know I was struggling with whether or not to be honest because I was afraid someone would misunderstand or say "but you chose this"?
  
• she talked about having the oh-so-wanted baby, then those who moved across the country in obedience. I'm not struggling with a deep postpartum depression or being lonely, per se, but the fact that she addressed those two issues in one paragraph jolted me.
  
• how often have I said "fine" when someone asked how I was doing and I really wanted to answer with a much more telling, lengthy answer? [This speaks directly to something I just hit on in my Bible study. Must write about that next.]
• community. God's way of meeting our needs. Hmmm...

I like reading others' blog posts. I'm usually encouraged, often times challenged, and most of the time entertained. I have to be careful not to spend too much time reading about others' lives and ignoring my own. But, today, Jen's post hit a nerve. A spot I needed to have exposed.