Splat--a Van

Raindrops. They were falling. Some annoying, some refreshing, some necessary.

Two years ago we ventured into the world of no longer being a one-car family. For all but a brief season of our marriage we have always had one car. [While we briefly owned an older Jeep, it doesn't really count because it was broken down more often than it ran!]

In October 2009 we were told about a program called "Air Check Texas". If you had a vehicle that was 10 years or older and wouldn't pass inspection, you could apply for a voucher from the Texas government to help you get a newer car. [Part of a plan to help reduce emissions in urban areas--like Dallas.]

We didn't have an older car. We had one van. But, friends of ours had an old Honda that was falling apart. They didn't qualify for the program (there are income restrictions). So, they gave us their old Honda. We only had to pay for the title transfer. We found a 2007 Hyundai Accent at a dealer who would accept the voucher. He offered us a great deal on the car. We walked away with a second car for just a few thousand dollars. We committed to paying it off in one year.
Last fall we did just that--Daddy's little white car (as the kids call it) was completely paid for. We were blessed to have a second vehicle. Joel took Rylee to school each morning and then went to work himself. I had the van to run errands. We didn't have to juggle who would pick up whom.

We were especially blessed as we would let others borrow it when they needed a car--if their car was in the shop or if Joel was out of town. We let someone borrow it this summer while we were gone for a month. The whole story of how it fit into this really neat plan of God supplying our friend with a vehicle for months on end so he could save money was just one story of many. God used our second car in some neat ways.

We have seen God's faithfulness through vehicles in more ways than I can chronicle here.

Most recently, though, we saw His faithfulness as we realized Daddy's little white car was, indeed, very little. The Hyundai has suited us well for the past two years. However, this year Joel takes the three big kids to school each morning and I pick them up. His little white car could fit three booster seats in the back, but they were a tight squeeze and the kids couldn't buckle it themselves. It was also a 2-door car, which was a royal pain when I used it--taking Jett in his car seat in and out.

We decided it was probably time for us to sell the Hyundai and look for a bigger vehicle.

We decided to sell the car over Labor Day weekend. We listed it on Saturday. I got a few calls Sunday. A woman came to test drive in Monday and gave us a deposit. She brought us the rest of the money and we signed off the paperwork on Tuesday.

The kicker--we sold it for $1,000 MORE than we paid for it two years ago! (And, remember that Air Check...so we actually paid out of pocket several thousand less than that!)

Apparently 4 cylinder used cars are in high demand with this economy. When have you ever heard of someone making a profit on a car they drove for two years? Okay, maybe a used car salesman, but not a family like us!

We found another van (almost identical to our current van) within two days and bought it. So, we now own a little mini fleet of minivans. They are both older vans, but the new one only had 62,000 miles on it. It's now "my" van and Joel's driving the van with more miles on it.

I'm constantly amazed at the ways God chooses to take care of us. We will sometimes hear people talk about how much faith we have to trust God with support raising. I've heard people talk about the crazy life of living on one modest income. Honestly, God has shown us His greatness so often through having limited finances (according to this country's standards), I can't imagine that I'd see Him as the provider so easily if we had more.

The God of Miracles and Healing

"It is not the easy road to grow your family from broken backgrounds–but we serve the God of miracles and healing…and we believe through adoption many children may have the chance to know Him as Christian families follow God in growing their families this way."
--quote from Babe of My Heart blog

Saw this quote today on someone's blog--as I followed the trail from my friend Lara. Andrea, the author, is talking about adoption. I appreciated her perspective and look forward to reading more about why their family has adopted.

She also said "I will say this–for us [adopting] has nothing to do with infertility, pity, rescue from poverty or famine or many other things you may think drew us to grow our family in that way. Instead–it has everything to do with the gospel ALONE. Sure–those things show you different NEEDS–but those needs CAN be met in different ways other than adoption of course. It has to be for MORE than that and NOT for just that."

I think I will enjoy adding this blog to my reader and getting to know this mama. And, I can't wait to explore that second quote...the Gospel being the reason for their adoption. Beautiful. So many things I could say, but I won't--mainly because that's not what I wanted to write about this morning.

What struck me this morning as I read her post was the first quote. Specifically, she says "It is not easy to grow your family from broken backgrounds--but we serve the God of miracles and healing... ." I know she's talking specifically about children from broken backgrounds, but as soon as I read this I said "Amen!" However, I immediately thought of the adults! It's not easy to grow your family when you have your own issues from the past. But, we serve the God of miracles and healing! Hallelujah!

I won't go into detail, but I will say that, like many adults who become parents, my background has its share of brokenness. Some of it was not of my own making, but much of it was! I have an amazing marriage and the most wonderful husband. I cannot imagine where my life could possibly be. But, God chose to save and redeem me and then bless my socks off! He is, indeed, the God of miracles and healing!

Just look at these miracles--

My Heart's Dilemma

While I've been posting pictures and stories to recap our recent vacation to visit family, my heart is being slowly torn to shreds.

It's been in this process for a while.

As a "home team missionary", people sometimes make assumptions about me/us. Yes, we've given up "other jobs" to come serve on staff with Gospel for Asia. Yes, we want to see the lost in Asia reached with the Gospel. Yes, as a family we are learning by taking part in prayer meetings and talking about reaching Asia.

But, I was asked in March during a support trip to Arizona "what's your biggest struggle right now?" I loved the question.

My answer is simple, "Maintaining a focus on Asia and reaching the lost while I live in suburban America."

Not to lessen the struggle of those in the office at all, but I think it's particularly hard given the circumstances of my life at this current moment. I'm primarily a mom to young children. I spend most of my days with my children home with me. I'm reading books, making meals, picking up toys, settling disputes, keeping house....

During the school year when Rylee is in school from 8-3 and Jenna and Asa are in preschool from 9-2 two days a week, I am able to be in the ministry office and take part more actively in our calling to reach Asia. But, most of my time is spent on the homefront, with my children, doing typical American mom tasks.

We have playdates with friends; we shop for groceries; we go to the library.

How do I maintain a focus on reaching the lost in Asia? I believe wholeheartedly that we are more effective in reaching the lost in Asia by serving here at the home office than if we tried to go and share the Gospel in villages in northern Asia. I know it. I'm not saying there's no place for Western missionaries there, but that's another talk for another time. I know we are right where we need to be. The struggle is to keep my heart focused!

I don't think the answer is simply being in the office more. I've talked to enough of the staff who are in the office all day, every day to know they struggle with the same things. Yes, their work is directly impacting Asia, but sometimes it's sealing envelopes to be sent out and it's easy to lose your focus when doing a repetitive task like working with paper.

So, how can I keep my heart focused?

Reading. Listening. Talking.

I need to be in the Word. I need to be reminded of God's call to reach the lost. It's what the whole Bible is all about! God's story of redemption for a people He created and loves. The whole world. Every single soul. He loves them and wants them to know Him. I know Him, so I must share!
Reading about what's really happening in the world. Sometimes I get info from blogs I read, but many times I waste this time and don't spend enough focus on the right things. I read things that, in the big picture of my life, don't matter. Who cares what my house looks like when there are women in Asia living on the streets begging with only the clothes on their back because their husband died and now they are blamed and cursed by their culture? Does it really matter if my family eats the most yummy meal when there are children across the world dying of liver failure because they are eating mud and rocks?
I've been reading about widows and children lately. My heart is being broken.

I just can't seem to justify the way I waste so much of my time.

Talking. I find that the more I share with others about what's happening in Asia or discuss it with others who have a heart to see real change, my heart is lifted. I see action happening. I see people sacrificing their own comforts for the sake of those who have greater needs. We need to give more...financially, yes, but I need to give more of my focused time.

I don't have to serve in the office to do that. I can be right where I'm at and have eternity stamped on my eyes and live as though my life is not my own.

It's my choice.

I'm just praying I will daily make the right one.

I've included links to two of the stories that have moved me significantly. Just recently I was also told about a documentary by PBS called "The Day My God Died" which focuses on forced prostitution in India. The reality of life for millions of women is something I can't fathom...and can no longer ignore.

Greater than a Mother's Love

From The Way To God, by Dwight L. Moody

“A leading minister in the state of New York once told me of a father who was a very bad character. The mother did all she could to prevent the contamination of the boy; but the influence of the father was stronger, and he led his son into all kinds of sin until the lad became one of the worst of criminals. He committed murder and was put on trial. All through the trial, the widowed mother (for the father had died) sat in the court. When the witnesses testified against the boy, it seemed to hurt the mother much more than the son. When he was found guilty and sentenced to die, everyone else, feeling the justice of the verdict, seemed satisfied at the result. But the mother’s love never faltered. She begged for a reprieve, but that was denied. After the execution she craved for the body, and this also was refused. According to custom, it was buried in the prison yard. A little while afterward the mother herself died, but before she was taken away she expressed a desire to be buried by the side of her boy. She was not ashamed of being known as the mother of a murderer.” (p. 15)

Moody’s Point—“The strongest human love that we know of is a mother’s love . . . Death cannot quench a mother’s love; it is stronger than death.”

Isaiah 49:15-16—Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.

I once heard Beth Moore teach about this Scripture and the concept of us being graven into the hand of God. Have you ever held something so tightly that it left an imprint on your palm? This is how we are engraved on the palm of His hands.

That's a pretty amazing thought.

The Divine No

This was presented to me with the title "A Women's Prayer", but I think it applies to everyone.

Lord, day after day I thank You for saying, “Yes.”
But I genuinely thank you for saying, “No.”
Yet I shudder to think of the possible snares, the accumulative blots on my life, had You not been sufficiently wise to say an unalterable, “No.”
So thank You for saying no.

When my want list for things far exceeded my longing for You,
When I asked for a stone, foolishly certain I asked for bread,
Thank You for saying, “No.”
To my pleadings, “Just this time, Lord,”
Thank You for saying, “No,” to senseless excuses, selfish motives, dangerous deviations.
Thank You for saying, “No,” when temptations that entice me would have bound me beyond escape,
Thank You for saying “No,” when I asked You to leave me alone.
Above all thank You for saying, “No” when in anguish I asked,
“If I give you all else, may I keep this?”
Lord, my awe increases when I see the wisdom in Your divine, “No.”

On a personal note to this poem, I can vividly remember asking God to stop "hounding" me when I was in high school and college. I have journal entries that say something akin to "Other people can go to church and then go to parties and be fine with it. Why won't You let me just be?"

I remember being so frustrated as I watched friends live this double life that didn't seem double to them. They just did what they wanted and then participated in church and seemed to be fine with it. I never could. It wasn't okay. Maybe they hadn't come through the things I had already come and the Lord would grab a hold of them later. But, for me, I remember asking "can't I just do this one thing?" God would say no.

Looking back, I am so incredibly grateful for His no. I'm so grateful He wouldn't just leave me alone. Left to myself, I am ruined. What a wise and gracious Lord I love!

Talking Medical Stuff: Strep Throat

I'm intrigued by the human body. It's so intricately made and well designed. God is a great architect!
About two weeks ago I was suffering with allergies pretty bad. After about a week I woke up one morning with a pain in my neck (and it wasn't Joel or the kids!). As the day progressed, the pain got worse. I went to see a doctor.

The doc looked at everything and said he thought it was allergies but the swollen gland in my throat indicated something else was going on. He didn't think it was strep, though. So, he just prescribed me amoxicillin and told me to take it until I was feeling better; I didn't have to finish it as you usually do. He also gave me a 6-day steroid pack to get my body to "calm down" from it's overreaction to the environmental allergens. He also told me to keep taking the Zyrtec I was already taking. I did as he said and started to feel better within a day or two.

Fast forward a little...last Saturday Jenna was complaining that she wasn't feeling well. She said her throat was hurting. She had a touch of fever (not sure exactly how high because our thermometer wasn't working). Her fever went down with OTC meds, but we only used it once so she could get some sleep. After that I insisted that she ride it out because it was her body's way of fighting it off. She was better by Monday and no longer had fever and didn't complain any longer about her throat hurting.
Skip a few days again...my neck started getting really sore yesterday afternoon (swollen gland and then a sore throat too). I was already tired, but I started to get a headache. As the evening progressed, my throat got more and more sore. By bedtime, I was having a lot of pain when swallowing. I tossed and turned all night, feeling like I hardly got any sleep though I was technically in the bed for 9 hours! Every swallow was increasingly more painful. So, I called the doctor's office and got an appointment for this morning.

The PAC who treated me decided to do a strep swab and came back 5 minutes later to inform me it was positive. I chose to get a shot of a strong antibiotic rather than do pills. While having strep stinks, I'm so grateful to know what it is and have such an easy medicine to take for it.

But, all this got me to thinking. I wanted to know more about strep throat and how it's spread. I googled it and found the information intriguing.
Some things that were right on target for me:
Symptoms - difficulty swallowing, sudden fever, tender swollen lymph nodes in the neck, headache, muscle pain.

But, what I found most interesting was the other info. It says the infection is spread person-to-person through nasal secretions or saliva, often among family members of the same household. People with strep throat get sick 2-5 days after exposure. The illness usually begins suddenly.

Why are those things interesting to me? Well, they interest me because I was wondering how in the world I got it! Duh! My kids. Jenna specifically. I think she was probably fighting it off last weekend. We didn't interfere with her fever (except that one dose of pain meds), so her body was able to do its thing and she got better. I, on the other hand, had just taken a dose of antibiotics and steroids and have been on a non-steroid anti-inflammatory medicine to help my shoulder. I'm thinking the things I've been taking didn't allow my body to respond like Jenna's did and fight it on its own.

Hmmm...

I'm no doctor, that's for sure. But, after reading more about strep and pondering Jenna's recent aches and pains and my own, I'm even more impressed with the human body. God made it so wonderfully...every single one of them!

Blood

This morning Jenna was talking about the Last Supper. Maybe that seems weird to some, but around our house, it's not uncommon for us to hear them pondering different aspects of who God is, what He's done for us, and how He loves us. We talk about it all the time.

In fact, it brings me great joy to hear them incorporate aspects of the reality of God and our life with Him into other activities that seem to have little to do with "spiritual things", like playing in the dirt or pretending to shop for groceries. (Of course, I think all things have a spiritual component and many of us just ignore it on a regular basis. But, that's beside the point of this post.)

So, as Jenna talked about the Last Supper, the conversation went something like this:

Jenna: Then they all ate.
Me: Yep.
Jenna: Then, they drank His blood.
Me: Well, not exactly. They didn't drink Jesus' blood. They were drinking wine and Jesus said it represented His blood.
Jenna: Yeah, then He died and His blood came out and they drank it.
Me: No, they didn't drink it then either. They never drank Jesus' blood. He gave the disciples the Passover wine and was telling them what He was about to do--die on the cross.
Jenna: Yeah, they drank wine.
Me: He was telling them that He was about to shed His blood for their sins. He was talking about the Passover lamb and explaining that He was the Lamb. Remember how we talked about the lamb?
Jenna: Yeah. ... (trails off saying something like "I like lambs. Do you like lambs? I like elephants, too. ...)

Then, today I saw this quote by Calvary Road author Roy Hession:

Let every mention of the Blood call to mind the deep humility and self-surrender of the Lamb, for it is this disposition that gives the Blood its wonderful power with God.

My job as a mom is to direct and teach my kids. I teach them lots of things. Many of us get caught up in the academic things like letters, numbers, colors, reading, math, writing. We teach them about animals and plants and how things work. We also teach them morals like being nice and kind and forgiving others.

But, the most important thing I want my kids to learn is that God loves them and died so He can have a relationship with them. I want them to know the gravity of Jesus' sacrifice. This quote today reminded me of my conversation this morning, be it ever so brief, with Jenna. Bit by bit, she's getting it. She knows she messes up. And, she knows Jesus loves her. As she continues to grow, I want her understanding to grow right along with her.

Pray that I can parent for God's glory. Pray I will stay close to Jesus and pray my children will come to know Jesus personally and intimately. Everything else pales in comparison.

A Little Torn Up

My heart is a little bit on the torn side. I'm not really sure how to even describe what's being done to it.

It's not painful in a bad way, but good. The kind of hurt that you know is helping, though it doesn't feel good at all.

I've been going to physical therapy for my shoulder. When she gets deep into the muscle and tendon tissue to work out part of the problem, it hurts. I breathe deep and exhale slowly and imagine the pain pushing out what hurts.

Last Tuesday night I watched a video on persecution. I've read stories. At Gospel for Asia we talk about it because the missionaries we live and work to support deal with it. We get reports directly from the field on a regular basis.

I even shared about some of the persecution last year when we went on a support trip back to PA.

But, last week, the video messed me up. (I tried to link to the video, but it's not working; sorry.)

It features Pastor Francis Chan. I had heard of him. He wrote a book called Crazy Love that my friend Kristin read. She said it was good. I downloaded an audio version and got through the first few chapters.

The ladies in my LIFE group recently decided to read the book and discuss it each month when we meet.

So I knew who this guy was and knew what he was going to say...sort of.

Do I really want to be like those Christians?

Then, Pastor Francis came to GFA this week. He shared with our staff. And, again, I'm a little broken.

Pastor Francis shared quite a few things that were challenging, encouraging, and convicting to me. I'll just tell you a few. I'm not sure they'll make sense, but this is where I process sometimes.

First, he talked about obedience. Simple obedience. God asks us to obey...to do what He says.

He used an illustration to talk about how little we obey. It really hit home. (this is my version of what he said, not from a transcript, but just my notes) He said "say I tell my daughter to go clean her room. It would not be okay if she came back and said 'I memorized what you told me to do.'" It wouldn't be cool if she said "Hey Dad, I learned to say those instructions in Greek." And, it really wouldn't be obedience if she said she was going to invite some friends over so they could discuss what it would look like for her to clean her room. Obedience would be cleaning the room. Anything else is disobedience.

I disobey God a lot.

Second, he talked about emergencies. He told us that he signed over the royalties from his book Crazy Love. He and his wife decided they would probably waste the money on things they didn't need and would regret it. So, they donated it to a charity that helps orphans and the poor and dealing with issues like sex trafficking. Someone told him he wasn't being a good steward with the money. What would he do if there was an emergency? Pastor Francis' question for them was "What about what is happening in India, Haiti, Uganda...is that not an emergency? People dying of starvation, going to hell without the Gospel, being sold as sex slaves?" He asked "is it only an emergency if it involves you and your children?

We are not concerned about whether or not we will live. We are concerned about our standard of living. We are worried that someday we won't have the nice things we want to get.

I live as though there is no emergency.

Finally (in the 3 things that stood out most to me right now...maybe I'll share more later, but this is enough to rip me up for now), he talked about the church in Sardis that is written about in Revelation 3. It says in verse 1 "I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead." Pastor Francis explained that the church of Sardis was doing many good things. They looked like they loved God. They had a good reputation. But, Psalm 139 tells us God searches us and knows our heart. God told the church of Sardis that He knew their heart.

Pastor Francis pointed out that he is a good communicator. So, he can communicate truth or a lie. We can make people believe whatever we want them to believe. We can spend oru days building up our reputation. It's easy to fake it. To our staff directly, he said people will assume things because you're staff of GFA. He is right. I've heard people tell me their assumptions. Just the other day someone told me they knew we (Joel and I) were in a completely different place than them (because we serve on staff and have prayer every Tuesday and spend our days working for a ministry).

I've made it a point on this blog to try and dispel that myth. In fact, one of my labels for blog posts is "being real". But, even in my attempts to "be real", I tell you what I want to tell you. I share what I want, post what I want, make it sound how I want. I don't tell you about all my screw ups and failures and nastiness.

There's plenty. I want a good reputation. Sometimes I want a good name more than I want to know God. Sometimes I want you to think more highly of me than I care what God thinks.

I'm not really sure what God's doing in my life, in my heart.

But, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be the same.

At least, I hope not.

Good Reminder

We just went to Tuesday night prayer. I always enjoy it.

We talked about the economy. Big buzz these days! The presenter shared some stats. Drastic, major, quite scary things! It can really be daunting!

You know, it would be so easy to get scared, worried, and fearful of the future.

Our prayer is that we would TRULY turn to God during this time.

Is the state of the economy scaring you? causing you fear?

In Whom do you place your trust?

We are financially supported by those who choose to give. It could be very "scary" to us. But, it's not. We aren't worried. I do have to give this over to the Lord if I dwell on it because my flesh wants to worry and think about it and fret.

But, the reality is...God has called us. God has said He would provide. And, you know what, God sits on the throne!

We really do serve a mighty God. I was so glad to be reminded of His power and greatness tonight.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil. 4:4-7

I'm praying those who trust in money, even those who don't realize how much they trust in it, will be challenged by this "crisis" and will completely turn their hearts to God, Who will never fail us!

God answers

Seriously. I was going to do this post and was lazy. Now I absolutely MUST!

We now live in Texas. (not the cooler northeast)

We got our first electric bill in our new house.

Ouch.

So, here is one of the changes we've made recently to help ease the burden on our budget.

This really is our laundry and our line. See the girls' cute dresses?

That's where my post would have ended earlier. I was just going to joke about hanging out laundry. Now there's more to the story.

Remember how I said in a previous post that God was speaking specific things to me in recent messages? Well, the message on Saturday at our women's breakfast was about God's promises. One we like to not remember. John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Her reminder was God's promise that we will face hard times. So great! Pastor Ken talked about this very thing in his messages Thursday and Friday. Why are we surprised when hardship comes? Not only do we live in a fallen world, but God promised we will have trouble!

So, what was the answer? Cling to Jesus! "For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Col. 3:3 One major point that BOTH speaker specifically said was "nothing can happen to me without permission of the Father." Pastor Ken said "I am the only one who can hamper what God wants to do in my life!" We usually think bad things that happen to us are a work of the enemy. Yes, he is working. I think we underestimate the powers of darkness. However, Scripture is clear that he is defeated! I, however, still struggle with MYSELF!

Our speaker on Saturday used a great illustration. A black pen represented me, a red case to hold the pen represented Christ, and a white box represented God, the Father. When I accept Christ and live my life hidden with Him, I (the pen) get placed inside the red case, and the red case is inside the white box. Anything that gets to me MUST go through the Father first. Look at Job. God's permission had to be granted.

So, though my electric bill is a matter of choice (the home we have, how we use electricity, etc), it was still a struggle for us (didn't really have that money budgeted).

Then, I went to get the mail today.
I literally fell down onto the grass praising God and crying for His wonderful, personal care for our family. He is so gracious. If you are reading this and you were God's hands in sending us money, thank you. Thank you for your obedience to Him. I hope you can see now how He was using you. I praise Him for the peace He gave me as we waited to see how He would work it all out (we're also doing our part to cut back). His peace truly was amazing.

How can we ever think following God is all about rules and what you can and can't do? It is all about a loving Father who longs to know us and show Himself mighty in our lives.

Oprah church

A friend recently wrote on her website about Oprah and the things she is now saying about "knowing God." I found it interesting since I recently heard a radio broadcast that was specifically dealing with some things Oprah had said about knowing God. My friend's post got me thinking, so I decided to post this video here for you to see as well. I find some of Oprah's shows to be interesting (when she interviews people or has home makeovers or things that seem innocent enough). However, after watching at random times, I decided a while back I could not support watching her show at all because of the way she is growing in popularity and the new areas where she's spending her time, particularly in talking about her "favorite topic" (as she calls it), which is this "new earth" stuff (new age stuff!). Watch the video and be surprised and heart-sick, as I was. (I'm not endorsing the book at the end or any political view, but the issues about what Oprah is teaching are my focus.)

Also, I want to add that I am not against Oprah herself. I think she does some great things. I'm really more sad about the influence she is having on Christians, many of whom have no idea that what she's teaching is completely unbiblical. I don't like the fact that Oprah calls herself a Christian since she has so many beliefs that are not from Scripture. But, she is lost. I just want believers to wake up and see that she is NOT speaking truth. So many believers listen to her regularly (watch her show, go to her website, read her magazine, etc) and take to heart some of her "teachings." For more (and much better exposition on the topic), visit the website of Heather Hendrick (see the sidebar).