Advent - Coming - Preparing

I'm reading The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp. It was a gift from the women of my church earlier this month.  I'm also (loosely) reading The Jesus Storybook Bible with my kids each night as our Advent devotional.  (Loosely = about every 3 nights we read because the other nights we forget, have activities, or mama's exhausted)

This season of Advent I'm struck by one thing...my need to come before the Lord.  I need to get silent and just be still.  I need to stop and think.  I need to reflect and ask hard questions. 

Joel just finished his Master's degree.  Woohoo!!!  It's pretty anticlimactic actually.  I don't know why.  Maybe the reality hasn't sunk in yet because it's December and this month is so busy.  January might bring a moment of realization...when there are no papers for me to proof and no light on in my bedroom at wee hours with a man trying to stay awake and read.

This season has been good.  Joel has wanted to go to seminary for a decade.  He tried a few classes back then and life with three kids under three years old made it just too hard.  When we knew we were leaving the ministry that brought us to Texas, I knew it was time.  I knew there would be no other "good" time.  We both knew it would be hard.  But, "hard" doesn't always look or feel like the "hard" you imagined.  It hasn't in this season.  The "hard" hasn't been the classes, honestly.  It hasn't even been the schedule.  Joel has worked part-time and taken three classes each semester while I worked full-time teaching elementary school (with my oldest three kids). I think the "hard" for me has come emotionally.  The adjustment of not being home with my kids, not being the one who packs their lunches or prepares our family meals, not being able to do it all but feeling like I should. My job hasn't been as "easy" as I had hoped.  Maybe it's the reality of working once you have a family or teaching much younger children or maybe I'm just not as good at it as I thought.  I fear it's the last so I work harder.  Not wanting to fail at anything, I strive and push. But, there are only so many hours in a day so on some days I regret I gave the majority to anyone outside these walls I call home and other days I regret that I haven't given enough to do a good "job" at my job. Struggling to find that balance is almost as exhausting as the imbalance itself.

So, I find myself responding to these Advent readings with big sighs.  Emmanuel.  God made flesh to dwell among us.  Humanity desperately in need of saving and a God who pursues with a relentless love and sacrifice. A God who wants us to come near.  A God who created man in His own image and walked with him in the garden.  A God who was sorry he had created man but didn't just wipe them all out.  A God who loves me, who reaches out a hand for me to hold, who sees my tears and speaks to my heart.

Our future is pretty much wide open at this point.  We have no idea what is next for us in this journey of life.  Will we stay local and pursue a business opportunity that might provide for our family and allow us to do much more ministry?  Will we stay local taking a full-time role for Joel?  Will I continue to work? Will we move east for a full-time role?  We have no idea.  There are moments where my desire for a plan starts plotting and thinking and imagining.  But, I'm determined to just ride this out.  I am determined to just wait on the Lord and pray.  I'm determined to not rush things.  I will come before the Lord and just wait.

Making Progress

Green smoothie of the morning: 2 c. water, 2 c. spinach (blend). add 2 frozen bananas, 1 c. pineapple, 1 c. mango (blend again).  I poured off Joel's portion then added more pineapple to my half. 

I've been doing a daily green smoothie in the morning for the last three weeks since Joel and I participated in a 10 day eat clean challenge.  I was already part of an online accountability group for improving my health.

I've lost 16 pounds in the last 10 weeks.  I stopped indulging, cut back on drinking sweet tea, added more veggies into my diet, cut out dairy/meat/sugar/caffeine for those 10 days of the challenge, and decided it was time to do something.  Joel lost about 5 pounds on the challenge and has now lost another 5...that's 10 pounds in three weeks for him.

Doing this together makes all the difference.  We aren't on a "diet" and aren't counting calories.  We're making better choices and holding each other accountable. 

This last week, I ate the "Thanksgiving Feast" with my kids at school, ate wings on Friday night when we were out with friends, enjoyed free breakfast with my kids at Chick-fil-A, and even went out with girlfriends last night and had chocolate cake. 

This morning my weight was 1.8 pounds lighter than last Monday.

The things I described above were the indulgences.  I didn't also eat Halloween candy, cookies in the office, donuts brought in, the yummy coffee drink I thought about stopping to get, pastries at church, second helpings at meals, and the cinnamon rolls at Chick-fil-A. I chose.  It's all about choices.

I'm trying to make better ones.  For my health.  For my happiness.  For my longevity.  For my clothes to fit better. 

I looked back through my medical files on Friday.  I'm at a lower weight right now than I was after having my twins and when I got pregnant with Jett (I held that weight for 5 years). I would really like to lose 7 more.  But, I'm happy with my progress.  And, I'm most happy that I haven't done anything crazy to get to this place.  I think it's sustainable.

A Joyous Day

She is exactly 10 1/2 today.  Dates are important to me.  The 19th.  Not a date that had ever meant much to me.  I remember being 19.  It wasn't particularly exciting. 

As I approached the due date with my first child, I was excited for her to be born in the 4th month of 2004.  Those are good numbers.  She was due on the 12th.  Another great number because it's a multiple of 4.  See...my mathematical mind is always at work in quirky ways.  The 12th came and went.  Oh, the 16th...another multiple of 4.  That came and went, as well.  Even the 18th looked appealing because of the 8...you know.  Nope.  So, I was all set to be induced on the 19th.  No avoiding the seemingly odd number.

With great joy, despite the odd date, we welcomed our first child.  She was wonderful.  Beautiful.  A gift.  It wasn't until a year and a half later that I truly came to embrace the date, though.

I committed my life to Christ as a teenager and then grew in that commitment as time moved on.  As a college student I came to a point in my walk where I realized I needed to completely surrender all aspects of my life to Jesus and let Him truly lead me, even (and especially) in my relationships and dating.  I had already committed to this, but then life happened and I went to college and ....  Heartache brought me back to the foot of the cross and to the place where I would ultimately surrender my whole heart and life to Jesus.  That was January of 1998. I was broken. I gave up. I let go. 

Over the next several months the Lord opened the door for me to take part in a ministry and then even lead it.  It was a huge challenge.  I think of Gideon being called "mighty warrior" when I think of the Lord calling me to that ministry at that exact time.  The most unlikely person.  The most unqualified.  Yet, the Lord's glory is most evident when He is the only One who can get credit for the wonderful things that happen.  So it was with me leading a sexual abstinence program.  Part of the program was signing a certificate committing to purity and accountability.  I signed my certificate and my friend Heather signed it as my accountability partner during the program in the spring.

Heather was with me in the delivery room when my first child was born.  She encouraged me, prayed for me, and celebrated with me.  It was a joyous day.  About a year and a half later, Heather was visiting us from out of town.  I had been going through some old papers and found that old certificate we signed.  It was a sweet reminder of all we had walked through together and the beauty of how God keeps His promises. 

With tears, I showed Heather the certificate.  In particular, I pointed out the date.  We signed it on April 19th.  Suddenly, I realized just how amazing my God really is.  Though I hadn't picked the 19th as a great day to have a baby, God did.  My first child was born on the six year anniversary of signing the covenant to honor God with my body.  That day began the seventh year of that covenant.  The seventh year is a year of blessing.

Lev. 25:1-7

The Sabbath Year

The Lord said to Moses at Mount Sinai, “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘When you enter the land I am going to give you, the land itself must observe a sabbath to the Lord. For six years sow your fields, and for six years prune your vineyards and gather their crops. But in the seventh year the land is to have a year of sabbath rest, a sabbath to the Lord. Do not sow your fields or prune your vineyards. Do not reap what grows of itself or harvest the grapes of your untended vines. The land is to have a year of rest. Whatever the land yields during the sabbath year will be food for you—for yourself, your male and female servants, and the hired worker and temporary resident who live among you, as well as for your livestock and the wild animals in your land. Whatever the land produces may be eaten.

 God is good.  All the time.  Even when we have no idea.

Today, that baby, born on the 19th, celebrated believers baptism and declared publicly that she loves Jesus, has accepted His salvation, and wants to follow Him all the days of her life.

I kinda like the number 19 now. After today, I like it even more.  What a great date!