Ugly Nasty Sin

I had a plan this morning. It involved me getting up earlier than usual to shower, get dressed, and be ready for my kids and the day. I got up, made sure their doors were closed (they wake at any amount of light!), and proceeded with my plan.

I heard quiet voices in my bathroom as I was finishing up my shower.

It was the girls. I sent them back to bed...just as I told them I would do the day before.

I am not a morning person.

That's an understatement.

Okay, I'm not that bad. But, I'm not really cheerful and I take a bit to wake up.

I want to be that mom. You know, the one who has it all in order and rises before dawn to prepare for the day, is showered and dressed before she has lunches packed, cooks a nutritious breakfast for her family, wakes her children with a kiss and sweet song, helps cheerfully with her girls' hair, and wears a smile to represent the delight it has been to serve her family before 8am.

But, I'm not that mom.

Instead, I'm a mom who had a plan. I'm not yet sure if it was from the Lord or of myself. If it was from Him, I wasn't doing it in His strength because it failed. Plans that don't work either aren't from Him or aren't done in His strength.

At this point, I'm thinking He wanted me to plan, but wanted me to be flexible and plan to be interrupted. I don't want to be interrupted.

I'm also thinking I was trying to do it in His strength but gradually took control myself and then when things didn't go as planned, I just let loose.

By loose, I am referring to my tongue. I was angry. I was irritated. I was not happy that I was being disobeyed. I did every single part of it wrong.

Stop. Let's just stop right here. As my wise friend reminded me today...let's thank the Lord for the good things instead of focusing on the bad.

On a good note, all I did was yell. It was short lived. I asked my children to forgive me and talked to them about how God forgives us. I talked about how God doesn't ever discipline us in anger or act so mean. I talked about how discipline should look. Loving discipline. They still disobeyed, but I should have redirected and been patient. I hugged them. I cried. I was honest about my own failure and shortcomings.

Honestly, I really don't want to tell you what a wretched sinner I am. I'd like for you to read this blog and think "wow, she's amazing". But, truth of the matter is I AM NOT.

If there is anything redeeming in me, it is Christ. If there is anything my children can be thankful for, it is Christ. If there is anything worth emulating, it is Christ. He alone is worthy of adoration, admiration, and attention.

I gave my life to Christ and told Him I wanted to be like Him on September 11, 1993. I have grown in many ways since that day. But, I have so much more growing to do. I am so thankful that God accepts me as I am, yet desires for me to look more like His Son. He is continually at work in my life shaping and molding me. I pray I will remain pliable.

This song has been sung at two worship services this week. I have enjoyed the time to ponder on the words again.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.