How Many Children?!!!

Oh, the questions I've been asked. The remarks I've heard about our family. I'm sure every family has something they've "heard it" about.

For someone who might not know exactly, we were married just over one year when I got pregnant with our first child. That child was then one year old when we decided to start trying for a second bambino. I got pregnant in month two with a double blessing. So, my first 3 kids are less than 2 years apart. Was it crazy? Um, yes, at times. But, it was my normal. I had not controlled any of it!

You see, we were trying to control it. I was on the pill when we got pregnant with Rylee. We had had an 'oops' moment, but nonetheless were on the pill. (I apparently got pregnant and didn't know it and then proceeded to take my next month of pills for 3 weeks until we discovered I was pregnant.)

When we decided to try for #2, we figured it might take a few months. Again, we had no control over this. And, we certainly had no control over the fact that God created two babies in my womb.

For a long time, I felt guilty any time I would feel overwhelmed as a mom of young kids. I felt ashamed that I didn't have it all figured out and didn't just "know" how to do this mom thing.

Time passed. When the twins were about 2 1/2 years old, I told Joel I wanted to have one more baby. He wasn't ready. After some discussion, we tabled the issue and decided to talk about it after the first of the next year. At that point, Joel felt firmly that the answer to that question was "not now". That sort of dealt with it for me and I didn't give it much thought again for almost the rest of the year. Then, in the fall I was dealing with some physical things and really wanted to just be done taking pills. One day, in a very random moment, Joel declared that we could handle one more child. He even said that if it was a double it would be hard but we could do it. [That, my friends, was his BIGGEST fear!]

We ended up trying for 6 months! This timing was so strange to me. I had gotten pregnant so easily before. During that time a friend said to me, "Doesn't this just show you all the more how this is God's doing, not yours?"

Yes, why, yes it does! God creates life. I believe that firmly.

So, we have four children. And, oh my. As if the first three didn't cause enough comments, questions, and statements. Having four makes you either a saint or a serious nut.

That's why this person's blog post entitled "Some Subtle Effects of Birth Control" really struck a chord with me when I read it today. It challenged me--on how I perceive things and what judgements I make and how much I like controlling things.

In case you don't want to click and read the whole article, here's a little brief synopsis:
1. We think young couple who get pregnant right away are irresponsible.
2. "Was it planned?" is an acceptable question because we think we should be in control.
3. Children are often seen and referred to as an "accident".
4. Large families are seen as incredible (and wrongly put on a pedestal) or insane (and sneered at).
5. Anyone who hasn't bought into the birth control culture is seen as fair game for criticism, jokes, or invasive questions because it is assumed they "chose" something different.
6. By extension, it is expected that larger sized families (because they "chose" to have that many kids) should never struggle with a lack, with discipline, never be tired, etc.
7. Young professionals are "throwing away their career" if they stop to stay home with their baby.
8. Couples are often shocked and dismayed if they struggle with infertility. [because we're supposed to be in control]
9. Other effects: rise in sexual immorality, adultery, abortions...

Her explanations for each point drive them home so well. And, sadly, they are too true!

If I had a dollar for every time I heard "don't you know what causes that?" or "wow, you have your hands full" I would never lack for funds for our family!!!

My favorite part of her article, though, was her admonition to those reading. Christians should seek God's face and become that peculiar people--a people set apart and different from the world around us. We should be people who see children differently--as a blessing rather than a liability--and who discipline our children in a godly way so we aren't bowled over by the idea of having more.

Before you think I'm bashing people who use birth control, please realize I was on the pill for almost 10 years and we have taken measures to be done growing our family through our physical bodies. We are, however, open to adopting children in future years and will continue to seek the Lord for His plans for our family as we walk with Him. I believe it's all about seeking the Lord. But, this article really spoke to me about how we judge one another. And, I had never made the connection between these ideas and birth control!

Some Time Off

The big kids had their reward day at school and got their faces painted.
Then we had spring break March 11-16.
We headed to Tyler, Texas the first weekend. We did a timeshare preview and got to stay in a hotel for 2 nights (with an indoor pool and breakfast), went to an indoor waterpark, and got a gift card giving us a yummy dinner out! We had a good time and even the tour/sales pitch wasn't bad.
We went to Tyler's childrens museum (thanks to our other museum membership we got in FREE)! It was a very cool museum -- probably one of my favorites.
They had a little "city" with a grocery store, bank, courthouse, restaurant, coffee shop, vet, hospital, etc sponsored by those businesses from around town. It was VERY cool.They also had a mock tv station...a news desk, a cooking show, tv camera, control room. The kids had fun pretending to do a show.We recuperated on Monday and went to a park.Tuesday we met friends, who were in town briefly, at a mall to play.

Don't the girls look like they could be related?

Wednesday we went to the zoo. We love our annual pass!Thursday we did sleepovers with friends, and then Friday we had another park play day and made homemade ice cream!The ice cream was pretty easy (no machine required). Put one cup half and half, 2 tablespoons sugar, and and vanilla in a small ziploc. Place that inside a larger ziploc filled with ice and rock salt. Shake it vigorously for about 5 minutes (have your kids jump around the kitchen while holding it with oven mitts). You get soft serve vanilla ice cream that's yummy! We got our recipe at Family Fun's website.

We hope you have had a fun spring break...whatever week it ended up being!

Let Them See Him

I came to an article by John Piper via a critique of the book I mentioned previously (Give Them Grace by Fitzpatrick and Johnson).

You can read the entire article here. It's about why we require children (who don't yet know Jesus' forgiveness personally) to obey rules that make them look/act good. I've struggled with this concept in parenting to some extent.

We read Shepherding a Child's Heart in 2008. Since then, we have aimed at teaching our children to obey us and the Lord, aiming at their hearts all the while. One of the tenets of this philosophy of parenting is to require obedience from your kids. I have struggled with it to some extent because I knew that their hearts weren't right. They were so young that I couldn't really explain the "why" of obeying and it's importance. They just needed to be taught that they must obey.

It's starting to make more sense to me now as I watch my children grow. They must obey. But, they will fail. That's when I point them emphatically to the cross.

I can't say I was parented with this goal. I won't make gross statements about my parents' goals because that's for them to say emphatically. However, I never perceived that there was a 'higher' goal than good behavior and moral choices. I would like the same for my children--that they be "good" adults (respectable, hard-working, kind to others) and make good moral choices--but I don't want it to end there. Because they will fail, just as I did. They will not be able to hit the mark all of the time. And, when they fail, I want them to know they have a Savior who already paid the price for their failure. I want them to know they will never be good apart from Jesus. They need the Gospel.

So, this article by Piper reminded me of why I should keep the rules in place, even if my kids can't yet understand the Gospel and their need for the Savior.

But, Piper ended with these words, encouraging parents to do a lot more than just hold hold the "rules" for them. This reminds me a lot of what I read in that book about grace.

• Let there be much spontaneous celebration verbally of every hopeful sign of life and goodness in our children.
• Let us forgive them often and be longsuffering.
• Let us serve them and not use them.
• Let us lavish them with joyful participation in their interests.
• Let us model for them the joy of knowing and submitting to the Lord Jesus.
• Let us apologize often when we fall short of our own Father’s requirements.
• Let us pray for them without ceasing.
• Let us saturate them with the word of God from the moment they are in the womb (the uterus is not sound proof).
• Let us involve them in happy ministry experiences and show them it is more blessed to give than to receive.
• Let them see us sing to the King.
• Let us teach them relentlessly the meaning of the gospel in the hope that God will open their eyes and make them alive. It happens through the gospel (1 Peter 1:22–25).