Gratitude

There are several popular books in the Christian bookstores right now all centered around the idea of gratitude and thankfulness. It's not just a "thanksgiving" time thing. Many believers are realizing that a grateful heart changes your entire countenance and studies support the idea that a grateful heart even prolongs your life. It makes sense, really. If you are focused on being grateful, your heart feels full. You are less depressed. Happy people live longer, according to all the studies I've heard of. Happiness and joy release all sorts of good things in your body.

Now, I've heard some criticisms of these books on being thankful. Most of the criticism revolves around the fact that some books claim you are nearer to God when you are grateful or that you'll live your most fulfilled life by focusing on gratitude. I don't know about all that, but the overall idea that we should be more grateful is something I can wholeheartedly support.

It's really easy to focus on the things that frustrate us, disappoint us, make us angry, scare us, or worry us. Those things can consume you if you let them.

Scripture is clear that worrying about things won't change them or add a day to your life (Matt. 6:27). Scripture is also clear in telling us how to deal with our anger. Anger tells us there is a problem that needs to be confronted. We are told to go to the person who offended us (Matt. 18), to make every effort to make things right from our side (Rom. 12:18), and to not let the sun go down on our anger (Eph. 4:26). We are told anger is an emotion that's okay, but that we aren't to hold onto it.

Disappointment is real. People let us down. We have expectations that aren't met. Maybe they were unrealistic or maybe the other person just didn't have the character to follow through. Either way, we meet with disappointment daily. Sometimes it's as simple as a meal not being as tasty as we'd hoped or expected. Other times, someone fails to be the person we needed in our life. We can continually focus on those failures--our own or someone else's--or we can attempt to move past it.

I have found that one of the fastest ways to get past what worries me or disappoints me or even angers me is to focus on being thankful. God tells us in 1 Thes. 5:18 to give thanks in everything. He also tells us in Phil. 4:6 to be anxious about nothing but to pray about everything. In this verse, we are told "in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." That word thanksgiving is right now. It's an integral part.

I don't do it nearly enough, but when I stop to reflect on my life with thanksgiving as my goal I am overwhelmed. My hope is to take more moments this summer to just sit back, step back, and be thankful.

There are plenty of things weighing heavy on my heart--worries, fears, disappointments...but I want them to be crowded out. None of them adds to my life. Thanksgiving reminds me I'm extraordinarily wealthy and no good thing do I lack!

Here's to a summer of reflecting on things with gratitude....

In Time

I'm in a coffee shop hanging out while Joel is at his graduation rehearsal. Tonight he will walk across the stage to celebrate earning his Master of Arts degree in Biblical Studies from Luther Rice College & Seminary.

I'm incredibly proud of this great accomplishment. It marks the ending (maybe) of a transitional time for our family. Three years ago we left staff at GFA, where we served for almost 5 years. The ministry was preparing for some significant changes (building a new campus in east Texas), which would require the entire staff to sell their homes, move, and either live on campus or find housing in the rural area. We didn't feel the move was right for our family and Joel's desire to pastor a church had never waned. In fact, it seemed to be growing. We started talking about the future and what to do. Knowing Joel always wanted to attend seminary, we decided we would make some big changes and make it work.

Back when we were first praying about moving to Texas, I made two lists. One list said "reasons to stay" (in Pennsylvania) and one said "reasons to go" (to Texas). Obviously, we wanted to go where "God called us". But, that can be tricky to decipher. [That's a whole other post...and question to ponder for a lifetime.] So, I felt led to make a list. Pros and cons. Look at the choices. Make a decision after weighing all the factors. God used that list to confirm that we were supposed to join staff at GFA and move to Texas. During our interview in Texas, one of the leaders said something that could have been a direct quote from what I wrote on the "reasons to go" list. Because of how that played out, I never doubted if we made the "right" choice. When it was time to leave GFA, the pieces all fell into place so quickly and perfectly that I never doubted that decision either. You see, we were "toying" with idea of me going back to teaching and Joel finding a part-time ministry job while going to school full-time. Within a month, I had a job--at my kids' school nonetheless--and Joel was hired by a church--right near his seminary!

It has been a fun, challenging, growing, long, exciting, stressful, and quick 3 years (note the mixture of emotions). Joel graduates today. It is official. He is finished with his degree. We can move on to the next phase of life. We are hopeful.

What makes me laugh about the way it all worked...one of the things on the "reasons to go" (to Texas) list was the ability for Joel to go to seminary. I knew there were many seminaries in the DFW area and with Joel working a weekday ministry job, he would have evenings and weekends available to do seminary. Ha! I was totally wrong. First of all, he couldn't do seminary while serving at GFA. And, when he finally did start seminary, he only went to a Texas school for one semester! He is graduating from a school based in Atlanta. His program was completely online and this is only the second time we've been on the campus. (The festivities aren't even on the campus; he only picked up his cap and gown and packet on campus.)

This all struck me in a new way as I was sitting in the coffee shop doing my Boundaries study this afternoon. The question was posed "When have you experienced the fulfillment of a God-given desire? Be specific about the circumstances and your feelings." I instantly wrote "We desired for Joel to attend seminary. He did it. He's done. It didn't happen in OUR timing or in OUR way, but God allowed it and has blessed it." 

It's a great accomplishment for us both--to have sought the Lord and followed Him in obedience. With much hard work and many long hours, he did it. We are celebrating!

Advent - Coming - Preparing

I'm reading The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp. It was a gift from the women of my church earlier this month.  I'm also (loosely) reading The Jesus Storybook Bible with my kids each night as our Advent devotional.  (Loosely = about every 3 nights we read because the other nights we forget, have activities, or mama's exhausted)

This season of Advent I'm struck by one thing...my need to come before the Lord.  I need to get silent and just be still.  I need to stop and think.  I need to reflect and ask hard questions. 

Joel just finished his Master's degree.  Woohoo!!!  It's pretty anticlimactic actually.  I don't know why.  Maybe the reality hasn't sunk in yet because it's December and this month is so busy.  January might bring a moment of realization...when there are no papers for me to proof and no light on in my bedroom at wee hours with a man trying to stay awake and read.

This season has been good.  Joel has wanted to go to seminary for a decade.  He tried a few classes back then and life with three kids under three years old made it just too hard.  When we knew we were leaving the ministry that brought us to Texas, I knew it was time.  I knew there would be no other "good" time.  We both knew it would be hard.  But, "hard" doesn't always look or feel like the "hard" you imagined.  It hasn't in this season.  The "hard" hasn't been the classes, honestly.  It hasn't even been the schedule.  Joel has worked part-time and taken three classes each semester while I worked full-time teaching elementary school (with my oldest three kids). I think the "hard" for me has come emotionally.  The adjustment of not being home with my kids, not being the one who packs their lunches or prepares our family meals, not being able to do it all but feeling like I should. My job hasn't been as "easy" as I had hoped.  Maybe it's the reality of working once you have a family or teaching much younger children or maybe I'm just not as good at it as I thought.  I fear it's the last so I work harder.  Not wanting to fail at anything, I strive and push. But, there are only so many hours in a day so on some days I regret I gave the majority to anyone outside these walls I call home and other days I regret that I haven't given enough to do a good "job" at my job. Struggling to find that balance is almost as exhausting as the imbalance itself.

So, I find myself responding to these Advent readings with big sighs.  Emmanuel.  God made flesh to dwell among us.  Humanity desperately in need of saving and a God who pursues with a relentless love and sacrifice. A God who wants us to come near.  A God who created man in His own image and walked with him in the garden.  A God who was sorry he had created man but didn't just wipe them all out.  A God who loves me, who reaches out a hand for me to hold, who sees my tears and speaks to my heart.

Our future is pretty much wide open at this point.  We have no idea what is next for us in this journey of life.  Will we stay local and pursue a business opportunity that might provide for our family and allow us to do much more ministry?  Will we stay local taking a full-time role for Joel?  Will I continue to work? Will we move east for a full-time role?  We have no idea.  There are moments where my desire for a plan starts plotting and thinking and imagining.  But, I'm determined to just ride this out.  I am determined to just wait on the Lord and pray.  I'm determined to not rush things.  I will come before the Lord and just wait.